CHAPTER 1. WE ARE CHOSING, WE ARE BEING CHOSEN

"That's a good question, son. Let's figure it out.

Do you know which two newspapers in Russia are actually worth reading? The first is Rossiyskaya Gazeta. Not because it's interesting, but because it's official. The government founded it—meaning everything printed there is practically law. Why 'practically'? Because that's where laws get published. They take effect the moment they appear there.

The second is Parlamentskaya Gazeta. Few people know about it, but it's also 'connected to power.' There, and on the Duma website, you can trace the mysterious paths bills take to become laws. You can see the various interests and moods of those who hold power.

As for the rest of the media... they're busy trolling and cutting deals. No facts there, just mush. No events—only news that changes nothing.

Even at school, you can only spot fakes through textbooks! And only the latest editions. Reality can shift. Truth can be declared brazen lies. The degree of deception can be cranked up.

So now I'm digging through the lying-net searching for a social studies textbook, or whatever you call it these days...

Here we go... found it. Page fifty-seven, paragraph seven.

'Elections presuppose that citizens are offered two or more candidates in the voting process, from whom they may freely choose one. Until 1989, candidate lists in the USSR were single-party, typically featuring only one candidacy. In such cases, we say that candidates don't represent the people in government, but rather the government presents itself to the people.'

See? Formally, our freedom is complete. Like mom at the store: wants borscht—takes meat and cabbage; wants Olivier salad—leaves the cabbage alone, but carrots, sausage, and peas are fair game. Same with elections. Main thing is you choose something from what's offered. Trigger-happy types will pick global war in Lugandon. There are parties for that. Those wanting to turn back time and screw the bulb back into Lenin's head vote for various flavors of communists. There's choice. For everything except normal life."

"Well, aren't you the idealist, Dad. Look at the year on that cover. That's pre-Bolotnaya. They've redrawn the entire country since then..."

"That's exactly why—latest edition only! Soon they'll be rewriting math textbooks in light of recent events. Why are you laughing? I lived in a country where just imagine — one day, all owners of the Great Soviet Encyclopedia received packages in the mail: replacement pages. Like recall notices for unsafe auto parts — except for knowledge. And how do you know about Bolotnaya events? You were just a toddler!

I worry about you. They weaned you off diapers, now it's time to pry you off that phone. Otherwise they'll drag you into the CIA with those memes, or worse—just toss you in prison so someone can earn stars on their shoulder boards. I fed you, raised you, and now you spread memes?"

"Come on, Dad. Peace, friendship, and chewing gum from me. I'll even post that paragraph of yours. Soviet humor's back in style."

"Wonderful. So who do you advise me to vote for this season?"

"Those who want peace, economic growth, and anti-corruption measures. But they won't be on the ballot—weren't registered. Threatening to jail them. If I were you, I'd vote against all candidates to invalidate the election."