The Empress
I told my husband: a coup. In Moscow they’re preparing to receive fifty thousand of their soldiers after the Belarus exercises. I propose setting the hook: we’ll build potato guesthouses for them, let them think everything is under control. All night I phoned the right people: bargaining, pressing, changing the exercise theme. Then I went to wake my husband to relieve stress and catch my breath.
The Emperor (formerly Slava Fridlyand, a.k.a. Shpak)
In the morning I put aside the newspaper praising her for stability. In the evening I asked: arrest the infantryman, block the army, close the border, how do we do it all at once? She answered with a quotation and sent me to the border as “the new Milošević.” I wished her a light wound, not death.
The “Infantryman”
They phoned and asked about my late father’s fund. They proposed an official levy on every sale, as in Kazakhstan. Then they named numbers: a hundred and twenty thousand fighters. I haggled down to fifty. They reminded me of the “three hundred” I’d boasted about. In the evening I was invited to report in Gelendzhik.